So here is my awesome Halloween costume . My sister got married, and OBAMA IS FUCKIN PRESIDENT!!! YIPPEE!! I think I'm going up to DC for the inauguration. Thanksgiving its drinks at the Saucer boys! Trip, out.

Yeah yeah

Due to the overwhelming response that my posts have inspired, I've decided to put myself on the three strike rule, which, if attained, will allow me to issue myself a permanent gag order. Until that time, I've decided to enjoy my audience of...myself. Anyway, I'll have you know that today, in order to give this blog some content, I bravely sacrificed my morning constitutional, which normally consists of my strolling out to the backyard, sitting in my chair (from which part of the seat is "missing"), clad in my smoking jacket and sipping a highball of Early Times. As I said, this morning I ruined it with the enormous strain of bringing along the paper to read, which, fortunately, did have one high point. There was an article about a young Memphis musician named Grace Askew (she has a myspace page), whom you might find...interesting (and apparently she's quite talented). Enjoy and/or suck it, ho-ho's.

Un-aired Canadian PSA

Sirs (and Airmen) --

I have finished my classes, renounced my spiritual adviser, and broken up with my pretend girlfriend--I will pause so you may take it all in. I must say I was disappointed by Airman Voss's tasteless comments involving the origins of two upstanding young men. However, as a man of high conscience, I will not stoop to his level and disclose to you the obscure acts of questionable legality that I recently conferred upon his--now engaged--little sister, nor will I mention the photographic evidence I just placed in the mail, addressed to her fiance, which will undoubtedly destroy their engagement. And I certainly won't discuss the recent late night trip I made to Jacksonville, making the most of Beth's sleeping state and then, yes, even Mr. VanCleve's (during which I discovered from Mr. Matt's night terrors that it appears he spent much of his underclassmen days as a gimp in the basement of the Sig Ep house--it seems his presidency was hard-won...). Now that we are all that much closer, I must confess I have absolutely nothing of substance to say other than to congratulate Mr. Voss's written declaration, to wish Mr. VanCleve a good end to his semester, and to say cheers to our mute friend, young Mr. Hillis. And yes, Mr., I'm sorry, Senior Airman, I'm watching The Octagon and taking notes.

Heeeeeereeee's Trippy!

Hello gents! Sorry for the long absence but I have been hella busy railing Matt's Mom....BAH HAHAHAHAHA!!! Seriously though I was actually doin Sydney. Anyway, I said the oath and signed my soul to Bush yesterday….So now I demand you address me as only Airman First Class Voss. What else...got a new car (scion tc that will melt your faces), finally broke up with Jill, and found a 4 leaf clover.....That last one was actually a lie, the truth is I really never found a 4 leaf clover, got upset and one thing led to another….the next thing I know I have set an entire clover field a blaze and cursed its ancestors…But that's a different story that I have already told to both of yall's moms while laying in our post sex juices.....I'll leave you with a video that is a symbol and example for what you pussies wish you were....A Badass Manly Man! Go Get Em’ Chuckie!

Where have all the good guys gone

Just in an attempt to get this going again, I would like to inform you that today for lunch I had McDonald's. A single cheese burger and a six peace nugget. I went with a combo of the sauces one BBQ and one sweet and sour. I like to have variety in my life. I use the left over BBQ sauce to dip my cheese burger. All in all it was a satisfying lunch, not to heavy, not to light, but just right.

My lady

Well Gents, I will be the one to break the long silence. All is well here in Jax. School is school, I read a lot and pretend to know everything. That about sums it up for school, this will change over the next month as finals are approaching. I will be in Memphis for Easter or as Trip would call it, the day the devil cried. But, more importantly it is my birthday on Saturday, the day before the savior rose to sit at the right hand of the Lord.

So I expect everyone to stop what they are doing and come in town so we can all have a face to face.

Now on to important things…We have spoken in the past about writing a story, tv show, movie, comic book, short story, folk lore, or fairytale. I am here to introduce you to one of our characters.

I discovered her when I was leaving my house for school early in the morning. I saw her in the distance welding a weed eater, in my cookie cutter neighborhood. I thought to myself, “wow, that chick is pretty decent looking why is she out here trimming grass.” Followed by a thought about how I would like to weed eat her, if you know what I mean.

I had theories why she was employed by a lawn service but that will be something to come up with latter. Back to the discovery

As I approached her from behind, I was surprised to find that her ass did not expand as I got closer. I welcomed the view early in the morning. I became excited at the possibility of having this pleasure once a week and the addition of her into my “spank bank.”

Now I was right upon her staring at her flawless ass and then she turned and made eye contact with me.

When I say eye contact, I mean eye… as in she only had one eye. The other was a peace of skin that covered the cavity that used to be her other eye. (No eye patch = creepy)

Talk about a buther face.

Now I picture this lovely Cyclopes as a sad girl with optimism. Fievel like.

She could easily be a crazed killer, focused on her hate of beauty and her quest to destroy it. But I like the possibility of a sad but optimistic song or monologue like Fievel’s Some Where Out There.

Hope all is well with everyone.

Ross your pics look great, keep me up to date on what you are working on now, and where you are going with you portfolio. I will give you a call when I get in town.

Joe, long time, it is good to hear from you. I am late but congrats on the new addition.

Trip, What is the latest word on what you are doing with your time and the Load Master thing. I saw a commercial about being a Load Master the other day and thought of you. Then I giggled again about the fact your title is going to be John Voss III, Load Master. That never gets old.

Well fellas, I look forward to the rekindling of our blog, hope all is well with yall. Give me a call sometime to catch up.

Wow, thanks Trip, I won't sleep for a week. I'm assuming for your POW stay, you mean they'll lock you in a room and loop those commercials until you crack, no? So on a lighter note, I thought I'd show you guys last semester's paintings. Yes, they should be taken w/ a grain of salt, but please refrain from making too much fun. If you do insist on that, however, I'll go ahead and inform you that I've embedded these images with schlomo particles.... Just what are schlomo particles and what do they do? Well, when activated, they affect each individual differently.... Mr. Hillis, you'd be sterile, whoops, did I say sterile? I meant impotent. Mr. VanCleve, no one would believe a word you say (now that's jumping the gun a couple of years I know, but these things happen). And Mr. Voss, you're third generation-status would be terminated: you are no longer your father's son. So, let's think before we speak, yes?

Insane Public Service Announcement Videos (again cuz I'm bored at work)

Really Disturbing PSA - Watch more free videos
DISTURBING--Canadian Commercials - Watch more free videos

Random Vids For Dat Azz Cause I'm Bored at Work

Citizen Soldier

So....today I did all the initial paperwork and met with the entire loadmaster section.....and, as of now, it’s looking like I'll be holding up my right hand and signing my life away at the beginning of February. It was interesting to see just how well respected my dad was at the base and how excited all the loadmasters were to have the 3rd generation of the Voss family to join the Guard. It was also interesting answering questions from the recruiter which included..."Have you ever worn women's clothing?", "Do you wet the bed?", as well as making me give a detailed history of my drug use (which I edited down to, "I smoked marijuana twice in High School..."). After I'm sworn in, I will leave for basic training around AUGUST for 2 months (which incidentally is in fucking TEXAS...Which should be about the same comfy temperature as liquid fucking magma!!). Then, I go to loadmaster/flight training for 4 months, which is also in Texas. After that, it's 21 days of survival training in Spokane, Washington.....which means for 3 weeks, I have to build make-shift shelters, slit squirrel throats for food, and then, to wrap it all up...spend 6 days as a POW, which most likely will include being starved, psychologically raped, and, worst of all, having my beautiful face being slapped around. Finally, it’s back to Memphis, Little Rock, or upstate NY for C-5 training which means 5 months of constant flying. Now then, so that all of you fully grasp the drama of me enlisting, I am including a powerful, epic, masterpiece of a music video by the legendary, hall of fame bound, troubadours of Rock....3 Doors Down!!!! Actually I saw this during the preview for The Orphanage (DISAPPOINTMENT...think The Village, and Ross you should remember my thoughts of that movie) and I could not quit laughing....As, I watched this comedy, I decided instead of explaining to people why I joined the Guard, I would just carry around a boom box and play this overwhelmingly cheesy song by those irrelevant, one hit wonder douche bags who obviously are now just willing to do anything for a buck...3 doors down...and here it is:

The New Year

Just wanted to wish you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR in 2008 (passing over "2000-and-great," in case you're already sick of people saying that, not me though since I feed off of good, positive energy...). Mr. Hillis, congratulations on your new baby boy and what looks like an amazing family! I'm thrilled to hear you've turned into a blissful, fertile existentialist auditor. So there's no way I can match that, but since you asked, I'll give you an abbreviated rundown of my existence, anchored by my economically enlightened decision to go into painting. So I am now a pseudo-student at the U. of M, and if I'm lucky, that'll turn into graduate status in the not-too-distant future, if not, I'm sure I'll be updating you my plan FMA. And that's about it from the House of the Opposite-of-Exciting. Matt, how'd your semester turn out? Hope you were pleased. Mr. Voss, any progress on this bass business? Seriously, sir, hop on it b/c I've got a whole list of piano-bass duets we can rock out, starting with one I penned titled "The Gospel According to WHAM!" Think about it.